Another song for my movie

Internal Fireworks - Small Knives

Feeling that i have everything to lose, but thinking that i have nothing to lose

Outcome 1: I am good friends with the Girl. I ask, hey, i need to know if you want more. I do, but i don't mind. Everything that has been, all our times, has NOT been just because i want booty, its a friendship. You are my friend, i want to still be your friend. But if you want ot kiss me, then that's fine too :)

Outcome 2: Another weirdo. Pretends to be my friend then makes a sleezy pass. To add to the insult, says if i don't want sex then he never really asked for it. Not pretty enough, or something. Real charmer. ANd here i was thinking he was a decent bloke, someone to hang with under no pressure. Ergh, to think all this time, his eys crawling my skin.

Outcome 3: True friends don't begrudge a romantic pass, no matter how unrecipricated.

Ben Lee calling me a coward and the tv is telling me there is 10 dimensions

Ben Lee: Gamble everything for love
Me: But I'm a coward
Ben Lee: Write a list and leave it empty except number one, write love.
Me: What about pizza?

The precocious little cunt sure can play. The room was packed, the sound was great. Sightlines were hard to come by, but it mattered for little.

I am not a die hard fan, but i am quickly becoming one. The first time i saw Mr. Lee i was ball-retchingly drunk and sang along with his version of "Confide in Me". Tonight i was slightly drunk, and, after cheering the opening chord of "Float On", Ben Lee called me a "F minor fan". I can live with that, the Fmin is a great chord, giving enough atmosphere to create a planet....

Things swerl around, and his closing song, "(you know), We're All in This Together", reminded me of string theory, which i had just learnt about via a tv documentary. Most (all?) physics at the particle level is just maths contructed as a model. Whether the model is literal we can never know. Its like a black box, and we observe what goes in and out, and think up some sums to guess the inner workings.

If 1 number always goes in, and the 1 number that comes out is double that, we can postulate that inside its doing 2 x x. But it may actually be doing x + x.

This is important - we can learn about the truth by using false frameworks. It's essentially whats been happening in the title fight between quantum mechanics and string theory.

So back to 10 dimensions - string theory is paradoxical unless there are at least 10 dimensions. But we can't see 10 dimensions, only 4 (3 spatial and 1 weird temporal). But what if they were very very small?

Rubbish you say, dimensions arn't like car keys, you can't just lose a dimension between the couch cushions. But there is some ant on a wire thought experiment. The basic gist is- it is possible that there are observers in our 4D universe who only observe 3D, cause the 4D is too small for them to consider.

Back to Ben Lee - we're all in this together
It was beautiful, the room, chanting as one, a mix of quiet resignation that it can't get much better, and of understated optimism that it doesn't get much better.

The end of the world and i'm the only person left

I walked to the train station, and when i got there took out my book. Its a big book, a hulking tome. The platform was evenly populated, and more people were joining.

Then they were gone. I was the worlds last human. The sole homo sapian in a post nuclear world full of cockroaches and rhinos (and maybe even wombats).

Then i looked up and saw that my train was fading into the distance.

I was only marginally late for work, and noone really noticed.

Muscle twitches and a sore throat

Stop your whinging and whining.

Am I stupid or is my subconscious trying to sabotage me?

Theres, um, this girl i like. And I think she likes me. But we're good friends, I really enjoy her company, we make each other laugh. I don't want to ruin that.

Stupid me: but i'm ugly and clumsy. This girl, she's beautiful- so self assured, cute and sassy. What would she see in you? I'm just a friend, a convience, a handbag when all other handbags clash with the tee she's wearing. Enjoy the ride, but don't push it.

Subconscious: she obviously is interested in me, and not just as a friend. I don't have to twist her arm, i suggest crazy and outrageous get togethers, and not only is she NOT washing her hair that night, she changes her schedule to fit me in! No, she likes me, but i'm not going to act, not going to push. Why? Partly out of a deep and hidden disdain for womenkind and their wiles, and partly because making that step would mean a loss of control. I don't want my emotions, my happiness, the state of my essential person, being controlled by anybody. Should I let a girl play games with my feelings? Should I give a teenage stranger my car keys (if i had a car)?

Whatever. I feel like shit. But i think it will feel worse in x years time if i bow to my stupidity or sub consciousness.

Oz's Favourite Book

The top 10 favourite books of Australians, as surveyed by the ABC.

No. 10 - A fortunate life N (i haven't read it)
A old man spends 20 years writing his memoirs and sends the manuscript to a small publishing company to print 30 copies for his family. The press notices its true value and offers to publish it. The author thinks this is scam, but is persuaded to publish.
A mans harsh life becomes Australian classic.

No. 9 - Da Vinci Code N
It's a novel, stupid. Read "Focults Pendulum". Why arn't there any novels based around stupidity theories? Its a conscpiracy.

No. 9 (tied) - Catch 22 Y
A humanist novel disguised as a stand up routine.

No. 8 - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Y
Life, don't talk to me about life.
A very British book. The amazing thing about this book is that the universe is so amazing and unknown, that parts of the trilogy could actually be true. It is entirely possible that there are beings that are merely a particular intelligent shade of blue, or that there is a planet full of sploging matresses.

No. 7 - 1984 Y
Double plus good. I'm guessing there is a comouter language based on newspeak?
Room 101 - The place with no darkness....
The TV panel seem to miss the point that there proably wasn't rats.

No. 6 - Harry Potter & Order of the Phoenix N (have read the first couple...)
Re-ignited reading for the current youth, and for that we have much to be thankful for. Books are awfully powerful, especially loooong books. People shouldn't be scared of

No. 5 - Cloudstreet N
I have read about 5 pages of this book, and my opinion is that as a book, it makes a great paperweight. I mean, the play based on it went for 5 hours! (here is were someone points out that LOTR movies went for 12 hours...)

No. 4 - To Kill a Mockingbird Y
Children discover the inherent evil and horror of racism.
Harper Lee never wrote another book. I didn't realise Dill is based on Truman Capote, a childhood friend of Lee's. Lee and Capote apparently stumbled on a Ku Klux Klan ritual.

The next 3 arnt announced in order. The ranking will be released at the end to aid suspense.

Top 3 - The Lord of the Rings Y
Apparently Tolkien was a two finger typer! Wrote all his manuscripts (1000s of pages...) with 2 index fingers.

Top 3 - Holy Bible N (well parts have been read to me...)
I read about someone who used to move the Bible in book stores into the fiction section. The nearest I've done is hide books about Pauline Hanson.
My objection to it being on this list is that its a collection of books, rather than one book in and of itself. But even only as literature, the Bible deserves its dues.

Top 3 - Pride and Prejudice Y
Boring, boring, boring, bit of groping, boring, boring, happily ever after.

The final results are... drum roll-

3. The Bible
2. Pride & Prejudice
1. Lord of the Rings

LOTR is a predictable winner. To lit critics - note how Proust or Joyce are nowhere to be seen?

But looking at the list, A Fortunate Life stands out. Its not a flavour of the month, its not a recently released film, its not on every school ciriculum. Granted, those things generally only happen to books that are already brilliant, but they do help skew popularity contests.

My personal fave? Well, if i use as a guide the books i've read the most (taking into account length etc.), it's a three way race between Catch 22, Fight Club and Hitchhikers. I'd give my gong to Catch 22.

Holly Throsby @ the Kirk

Caught a train to Central, and from there walked up to the Kirk.

Kirk is scottish for Church, and so the Kirk is a old Church Hall, with high ceilings and wooden floorboards, but is surprisingly quite short in length. A stage is in front of a wall painted with stars and the paintings on the surrounding walls seem like a mixture of Blake & Warhol.

Paid my dough and caught the final 4 songs by Saddleback. One song especially reminded my of the Dirty Three. Overall, he/they had a hippy collective rock band sound.

Saddleback is in the main Tony Dupe (pronounced Do-pay, not dupe as in duplicate...), with-
* an amazing drummer - very low key, didn't overwhelm the sounds, but added to the sound despite Dupe himself often leading the rhythm on keys
* a trumpeter - by using the mute came across as atmospheric rather than a full blown brass section
* Jens(?) on double bass
* cello-ist (cello-fellow?, cello-meister?, cell-weigen?) A great lead

This collective chopped and changed, with Dupe being the constant. He even did a song solo, playing keys and guitar (via laptop, probably some sort of apple...).

The name Saddleback comes from Saddleback Mt., near Dupe's home studio, where he presided over the recording of Holly Throsby's "On Night".

In as few a words as possible - graceful, beautiful, simple.

The album is brilliant, I have been listening all week to it, and the show did not disappoint. Some songs were better live, other better recorded. Highlights tonight were "Some Nights are Long", "Damn that New Body" and the finale, "We're Good People (but why don't we show it?)", which got a big laugh for the line "i want to raise dogs; dogs and money".

The backing band were brilliant -
* the sexy Leah on backup vocals filled the sound out. I couldn't help but think that Leah and Holly could make a great rock band together.
* Jens on double bass, mandolin and cello. The whole room, including Holly i think, was mesmerised by his cello playing on Damn that New Body.
* Tony Dupe on keys and electric guitar added a cruisy layer, grounding the songs
* drummer from Saddleback played 1 or 2 songs
* Reece - backed the vocals on "up with the birds". It was interesting hearing a male voice, but it worked.

Pre-emptive strike on critisicm that its "chick break up music" - i can see holly getting a strong female following, but the crowd tongiht was 50/50 boy/girl. A lot of the songs on her admittedly first album are break-up / lost love / relationship songs, but they retain a universality, and unlike some female folksy singers, i don't feel ashamed to be a man whilst listening.

I bought some merch -
* a cool poster - nice paper, mainly white, picture of cd cover. This is a bit of a metaphor for her songs. Lesser artists would feel that they have to cover every square inch of $5 poster. Holly has gone for the beautiful over the crowded, much like how in her songs she avoids over production.
* a fridge magnet - apparently each magnet is part of a larger picture that represents some lyric from one of the songs. My magnet has a line drawn claw on it. I can make no sense of it in this context.

Finally, the girl can play. Holly fingerpicked her way through the songs with aplomb, and seemed moved by the turnout and response.

10/10

Garden State

Some vitrolic comments but mostly nice - IMDB Forum

I like the comment: "I'm not emo, so don't even try that".

Emo is the new "too cool" music, it's the music that hipsters say they they like, when relly they can't stand the dirges and mellowness. No pain, no gain. The cool wannabes realise that. what with the OC name checking Dasboard Confessional and Death Cab for Cuties, one has to suffer the emo for the appearance of cool. Or maybe not.

^ is refering to todays school kids. I'm a bit older than that. To me emo was melodic punk - unwritten law and bodyjar, and the Shins, Something for Kate etc. were indie-alt rock. I wonder if Slint realised that they were emo?

Probably I'm just jealous in that traditional rock way - your fave bands are getting more fans, and your "market share" decreases.

Maybe Garden State is an emo film, but its a brilliant emo film. In the same way Blues Brothers is a brilliant blues film, and Blues Brothers 2000 is an awful blues film.

The forum is arguing (on one hand) that the too-cool hipsters just want to see their latest fave film get into the IMDB all time greats list. You know what? Time will tell. There is always a bias towards recent films in any such list (because we live in the most important time, stupid, and also cause unlike film students, most of the population hasn't seen Murnau's Sunrise, which would win every list if they had...). But i do know that Garden State deserves to be at least considered for the all time greats, whereas say, Prey for Rock and Roll shouldn't.

Going into anti-verbose mode:
movie.....good....very.

I could relate to the "where is home?" talks.

Spongifilm: My Life on the Big Screen

Songs that i want to be in the Garden-State-ish Miramax-produced indy film of my semi-fictional life-

Freediving - Ben Lee
Anything, Anything - Dramarama
Skeloton Jar - Youth Group
something by Art of Fighting
that song by David Bridie of Freedom of choice
Sleep is worth the wait - something for kate

It also goes without saying that Steve Buscumi will be in it, but not playing me. Having Steve on board will guerantee that the film is worth watching.

Pitch to rich person: think Donnie Darko meets the Virgin Suicides meets Stand by Me meets Animalhouse.

And then all the world will be happy.

Identity Function

I decided to start writing down all the names that i could remember as a sort of identity function, with myself as the arguement.

Funtions are mathematical black boxes, they take zero or more inputs, and then transform these inputs into zero or more outputs. For example, the simple function y = x + 1 takes a single input (x) and gives a single output (y).

In an identity function, the inputs and outputs are equivalent (but not necessarily the same...). For example, y = x + 0 or y = x * 1 both give y = x. So if you feed the function a representation of the number 1, it gives you back a representation of the number 1.

But what if I feed myself into an identity function? A cloning experiment?

Firstly, i consdidered mirrors. A mirror takes in a representation (sculpted out of visable light) of my physical self, and outputs a mirror image. A simple set up of two mirrors allowed me to see myself as the rest of the world sees me.

But this is merely my outer layer. So the next step was MRI scans and x-rays and cat scans. But my illogical fear of hospitals closed that thought.

I was sitting with some friends one day in a cafe, when the idea hit me that we are defined by who we know. If you knew my friends, then you could probably infer a lot about me.
But I am also a product of society at large, not just my own small society.

I was also thinking alot about immortality around this time. I was getting depressed that I would never be able to measure up to my father, a truly great man. Would my name be remebered longer than his? Would either of our names be remembered for any substantial length of time?

So i guess it was two pronged - on one hand i wanted to find out who i am, and on the other i wanted to know the names i remebered, in a futile hope that i could discover a secret to be remembered.

I still have this belief deep in my being that i will exist in this universe as long as my name remains in some neutrons or neurons, in some small corner of our cornerless universe.
So i would spend 20 minutes each day trying to add to my list of names. There were no rules for inclusion except that i had to believe that the name belonged to a person. The first names i added were Napoleon Bonaparte (French empiror), Marc Glanville (football player) and Pete Clark (school mate). It took me several weeks before i remembered to add my own name (and my family's).

I now have about 8 thousand names. I am starting to worry that i am forgetting some of the names i have entered. So when i see a name that looks vague, i mark it with a ? and come back to it later. If i still cannot place the name, i add another ?. When a name gets ????? next to it i remove it.

I usually do this culling when i'm drunk, cause i don't think i can stand the metaphysical notion that i may be killing a soul when i'm sober.

Has it suceeded? Yes. The list is a tangible reminder to me. I have come to accept that being remembered is not necessarily a good thing - Stalin's name will probably be remembered far longer than that of my grand mothers (two of the gentlist persons to ever grace this earth).

2 Worlds Collide

http://metaphilm.com/philm.php?id=29_0_2_0

I knew it! (or rather, my subconscious knew about it on some level....)

If only they'd put some murderous snowmen in the fight club movie.