Am I stupid or is my subconscious trying to sabotage me?

Theres, um, this girl i like. And I think she likes me. But we're good friends, I really enjoy her company, we make each other laugh. I don't want to ruin that.

Stupid me: but i'm ugly and clumsy. This girl, she's beautiful- so self assured, cute and sassy. What would she see in you? I'm just a friend, a convience, a handbag when all other handbags clash with the tee she's wearing. Enjoy the ride, but don't push it.

Subconscious: she obviously is interested in me, and not just as a friend. I don't have to twist her arm, i suggest crazy and outrageous get togethers, and not only is she NOT washing her hair that night, she changes her schedule to fit me in! No, she likes me, but i'm not going to act, not going to push. Why? Partly out of a deep and hidden disdain for womenkind and their wiles, and partly because making that step would mean a loss of control. I don't want my emotions, my happiness, the state of my essential person, being controlled by anybody. Should I let a girl play games with my feelings? Should I give a teenage stranger my car keys (if i had a car)?

Whatever. I feel like shit. But i think it will feel worse in x years time if i bow to my stupidity or sub consciousness.